God Loves

I've never really known much pain before. I live in a nice house, with a nice family, with nice friends and a nice school. Sure, I've had the best friend who somehow becomes your not-so-best friend and the occasional glitch in the road, but never pain at its core. These past couple of days though I've known true, raw sorrow. Sorrow where it hurts past the point of feeling. It's just there all the time. I've learned to cry. Not crying like we typically think of it today, but some sort of broken crying. A crying where I don't even know I'm crying. Crying out to the Lord to try and make Him make me understand.



My family and I have been dealt quite a bit of rain this week. On Tuesday my Grandfather (my Mother's Father) went to the doctor. They found a mass in his lungs. He went to the Hospital. They gave him 3 liters of blood. He had a byopsy on Wednesday. He came home on Thursday. Friday, today, he went back to the doctor. They told him he has four months to live and possibly eight with treatment. I cried my broken cry again.


There is hope though: God loves. It's so simple, yet so complicated. God loves. He loves me, He loves my Papa, He loves my family. He loves. The best part of it all though is that even when I forget, He still loves.

***

"My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?
Why are You so far from helping Me,
And from the words of My groaning?
O My God, I cry in the daytime, but You do not hear;
And in the night season, and am not silent.
But You are holy,
Enthroned in the praises of Israel.
Our fathers trusted in You;
They trusted, and You delivered them.
They cried to You, and were delivered;
They trusted in You, and were not ashamed.
But I am a worm, and no man;
A reproach of men, and despised by the people.
All those who see Me ridicule Me;
They shoot out the lip, they shake the head, saying,
“He trusted in the LORD, let Him rescue Him;
Let Him deliver Him, since He delights in Him!”
But You are He who took Me out of the womb;
You made Me trust while on My mother’s breasts.
I was cast upon You from birth.
From My mother’s womb
You have been My God.
Be not far from Me,
For trouble is near;
For there is none to help."
--Psalm 22: 1-13

This One's For The Girls

I suppose it's not that uncommon of a thing to love somebody you've never known. But, I find it strange nonetheless. Often times I wonder what it would be like to have a grandmother. I imagine that the world would seem a lot bigger and my own tiny trials not quite so important. One of my brothers has a particularly good relationship with my grandpa. They like whack down bushes and wash their cars together and stuff. I wonder what that would be like with a grandma. Would I go shopping with her? Would we stay at home and sweep the floor or would we goof off while we were supposed to be working? Would she laugh at the crazy things I do to my hair? Or would she help me in it all? Would she be so set in her ways that I would have to change to be like her? Would she be amazing like my mom? Or would she be more like one of my sisters? Would she tell me stories? Would she love puzzles like my Aunt? Or perhaps she would even stay up late and eat ice cream with me. Or maybe she would be one of those types that would laugh with me at the strange people at school, like my dad.
I don't know the answers to any of these questions. And I'm not totally sure that I want to know. Whatever she was like though, I know I'd love her simply for who she was and for who she made me. It's a strange thing not ever knowing somebody that you love and who is so much a part of who you are.



















Maybe I'm biased but, I think they are pretty much two of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. Huh, and they just happen to be family...



So, here's to you both. I love you.